


The Greatest Loss

by ladybug218



Category: Bones (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 14:15:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybug218/pseuds/ladybug218
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. ~Norman Cousins</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Greatest Loss

**Author's Note:**

> written in response to 4x22 - The Double Death of the Dearly Departed

She stares at the ground. It's hard for her scientific mind to see it as anything more than a mound of dirt, but she forces herself to acknowledge that beneath that pile of dirt rests the earthly remains of a man she loved.

The silence hangs in the air, almost oppressive, as she leans over and places the single white rose atop the cool marble headstone. Her fingers trace over the letters that spell out his name, the dates of his birth and death, and the epithets that are far too simplistic to provide an accurate picture of the amazing person they describe.

"I promised you I would do this," she finally says, her voice uncharacteristically hesitant. "I feel silly talking to a pile of dirt, but I know this is important to you."

She inhales deeply, her hand resting on the gravestone for support. "I miss you, Booth. This last year has been... I lack appropriate words to describe everything that's happened."

Another long pause and she hears his voice echoing in her memory, telling her to try.

"I was angry when you died. Angry at the circumstances that led to your death, angry at you for leaving me, angry that this wasn't another FBI trick with you faking your death. I thought that bringing your killer to justice would help quell some of that anger, but it didn't. I'm not proud to say that I did some rash things during that time. It was Sweets who managed to get through to me and help me let go of my anger. 

"That was when the guilt crept in. It was a wholly unfamiliar feeling to me. I suppose because when you make decisions based on logic, there's not much room for guilt. But when Rebecca brought Parker over to the lab to visit his daddy's friends, he ran straight for me and hugged me for a long time. I didn't know what to say to your son; it's my fault he doesn't have his father anymore. That's when the guilt overwhelmed me. I tried to avoid Rebecca and Parker after that, but Ange helped me realize that spending time with me was important to Parker. It made him feel connected to you, because of all the time we spent together. I still feel guilty, but Parker and I spend most Saturday mornings together. I think he's developing a crush on Russ's daughter, Hayley. He's inherited his father's charm, it seems."

She goes quiet then, reflecting on those charms. After several minutes, she begins to speak again.

"I should have told you. I was afraid. I didn't think I knew how to love anyone. Now I know that I am capable of love, but I know I won't find anyone else like you."

She doesn't even notice the tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Booth," she chokes out, unable to say what she is sorry for, but knowing that if he somehow can hear her words, he'll understand. 

An hour passes in silence. She kisses her fingertips and presses them to the gravestone before walking back to her car. All of the horrors she has seen in her line of work -- the genocide, the mass graves, the hatred and malice -- and this was the hardest thing she's ever done.


End file.
